I am love.

Some places, some things, some people,
They don’t force themselves upon you.
They don’t try to make you fall in love with them,
you simply do.

They charm you.
Be it with their graffiti lined walls,
Their smell, their smile, they find their way into your heart,
And before you know it, you’re in love.

It’s an amazing feat in this day and age,
When all of us are impenetrable fortresses.
Refusing to rely on anything but ourselves,
Our money and our experiences.

I forget to be open,
I forget to be mindful,
I forget to be grateful.
Life is amazing and we are so, so lucky.

But when I don’t expect it, and sometimes when I do,
I fall deeply in love with my surroundings,
With places, with things, with people.
I let them in, and I am never sorry.

Cause love goes straight to your soul,
It changes something deep inside.
You may not realise it right away,
But you always give something away when you fall in love.

And it’s ok, there’s always more to go around.
Love truly is limitless, and there is nothing that brings me more joy
Than the incomparable happiness I feel
When I fall in love.

I am love.

Scared to be lonely

nature-fashion-person-woman

This seems to be a tune that’s hit a nerve with a few people that I know.

Are you afraid to be lonely? Does being alone = being lonely?

I hope not. Time and time again we hear that we need to be content alone before we can find happiness with someone else. There is no one out there who can complete you. I think its all true.

Sometimes, as human nature goes, we all feel like we’d like someone there, to hold us as we go to sleep at night. But that can’t be the default, it’s a privilege. Finding someone who loves you is a privilege. But self-love, self-satisfaction, that has to be a given. Because it is within your control.

I recently took some time and spent 10 days by myself. The choice to go on holiday alone still shocks many people (especially the Filipinos. I was in the Philippines).

I left thinking that I would get bored of being by myself, as that was everyone’s reaction. But no, I didn’t get bored. It was surprisingly peaceful.

I really enjoyed it. Having only my own thoughts to answer to, figuring out things by myself, going to bed and rising as my body wants to, eating when my body wants to – travelling by yourself is an excellent time to reflect and learn things about yourself.

I know that doing something once hardly makes me an expert, but travelling by yourself is an experience I recommend everyone to have. Take a week off. Go somewhere quiet. Listen to your body. Get comfortable with your thoughts – very, very comfortable.

More often than not, when I read tarot cards for people, most people already have the answers they’re looking for. We’re all just looking for a sign, for something that tells us what we’ve been feeling all along is right.

There are a few things more illuminating than silence. As cheesy as it sounds, it is golden. And in those quiet moments, you’ll find all the answers you’ve been looking for is already there, inside you. You just have to tune in to hear it.

Scared to be lonely

Getting out

Today’s meditation: Getting out of motions. NOT being a machine that only waits for work. Doing more. Achieving more. 

I love the silence of writing.
The feeling of letting words go.
The little ticker tape sounds of k e y s
and nothing else.

Sometimes I think of responses that could really hurt people
but I choose not to say them.
“You don’t actually want me to do that… You don’t want me to end up like them…
bitter, hurt, alone, dying yet living.”

You think of only the positive outcomes. I think only of the negative. Is that wrong?

Maybe others should have my caution.
I err on the side of it. I live carefully.
It’s just my nature.
I try not to hurt people, animals – the largest paradox is that I eat meat.
For purely selfish reasons. Maybe if I had a personal chef, I’d go vegan.

I write because I love to.
I may not be exceptionally good at it… but I enjoy it.
Some people don’t like doing things for the joy of it, if they aren’t great at it.
There will always be someone better though.
So you might as well go about life not giving a fuck.
Doing things because you enjoy them.

I’ve learnt to find joy in the daily tasks.
Who says you have to travel the world to experience life?
I’ve spent some time looking inwards and what have I found?

I need to stop watching so much TV, spend more time with family,
more time with myself, doing things that I love.
Work takes up 50 hours a week, then what?

Cook, bake, clean, exercise… 10 hours gone.
Sleep – another 40 hours.
How am I spending the other 68 hours I have in a week?

I hope to start spending them better.
Build something worthwhile… become better.
Better granddaughter, niece, better person, listener, writer, marketer, painter.
How did we get into the motions of nothing?
How do we get out?

 

Getting out

Flawless

We teach girls to shrink themselves
To make themselves smaller
We say to girls
“You can have ambition
But not too much
You should aim to be successful
But not too successful
Otherwise you will threaten the man”
Because I am female
I am expected to aspire to marriage
I am expected to make my life choices
Always keeping in mind that
Marriage is the most important
Now marriage can be a source of
Joy and love and mutual support
But why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage
And we don’t teach boys the same?
We raise girls to each other as competitors
Not for jobs or for accomplishments
Which I think can be a good thing
But for the attention of men
We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings
In the way that boys are
Feminist: the person who believes in the social
Political, and economic equality of the sexes

– Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

From Beyonce’s Flawless. So, so true.

Flawless

A thousand nights

1. Bear. He calls, often. He asks me over, often. He’s useful, he’s not needy and he makes me laugh. He takes me for granted, I tell him off, we put it away. It’s all ok, He’s ok. He grunts in his sleep sometimes, but he doesn’t snore. He’s peaceful, works hard and takes care of my needs. Bears are really nice to have around, they may not be exciting, but sometimes a girl just needs that.

2. Dog. He’s warm and friendly, but his best friend is work. When I am there he is present, but he hardly has time for that. He makes for good conversation, over the phone, in person. That is nice, I like to converse. He holds me after, not everyone likes that. I like to think that he wants to be sincere, just that he has no time to be. I let him be.

3. Jaguar. I can’t tame him, and I don’t try. I like him wild, smooth, fast in a controlled frenzy that he achieves. He knows what he wants and he takes it. He took me and I gave in, probably because I like to be wanted. He fed a flame, it burned bright, but it was fleeting. He says he will come by again, but I don’t count on it. Because you can’t expect things from jaguars, they run away far too quickly for you to catch.

4. Danger. I could fall in love with you, so very easily, if you let me. But I don’t know if you feel the same. How will I ever know? You have never told me. You have never tried. It was just a weekend, but that’s all it takes. I could talk to you for days and take you in for days more. Every piece, every part, I don’t want you to come back. Because if you do, I won’t be able to let go of you again. Let it be, leave me with this impression in my heart, because that will fade. You will fade and be a memory one day, don’t come back. (Please come back).

A thousand nights

A quote I came along – We accept the love we think we deserve.

That makes alot of sense. So thank you to the people who have shaped my life into what it is today. I can clearly see the change in the kind of love I accepted before and the kind of love I expect now, only because you have taught me that I deserve it.

yellow leaf

Today someone I hold dear texted me to say that a reading I gave them at the beginning of the year has proven to be really accurate. It’s absolutely magnificent to hear things like that. I don’t know why I chose Tarot, but it’s proven to be a gift, time and time again.

But I’ve neglected my cards for awhile, not inspired to do readings, not knowing why, but everytime I go back to my deck, it doesn’t fail me and I feel constantly blessed for that.

Maybe the next thing I need to do is start reading again, regularly. Who wants a reading?

When you pass, there is only one thing that you can take with you, and that is true wealth. Buddha calls it mediation, awareness, watchfulness, consciousness. If you become more and more conscious, you can take that consciousness with you. – OSHO

yellow leaf