I used to think that it would never be possible, feeling nothing, where once there was everything.

knowing that I loved you with everything in my being. craving for everything

– for your smell, for your hand,  for the crevice in your back that I used to lay my head, your musk, your hair between my fingers, that spot on my neck you knew –

i still crave for it, but i don’t want you.

they say the last person you think about at night matters the most to you – now I think about myself, that spot used to be saved for you.


i found the word for it today. anagapesis.


no longer feeling any affection for someone you once loved.

you have been anagapesis-ed. it sounds clean, sterilized.


it’s like you were surgically removed from me,

somehow, slowly & very painfully I must add.

and now there is nothing where everything used to be.