I used to think that it would never be possible, feeling nothing, where once there was everything.
knowing that I loved you with everything in my being. craving for everything
– for your smell, for your hand, for the crevice in your back that I used to lay my head, your musk, your hair between my fingers, that spot on my neck you knew –
i still crave for it, but i don’t want you.
they say the last person you think about at night matters the most to you – now I think about myself, that spot used to be saved for you.
i found the word for it today. anagapesis.
no longer feeling any affection for someone you once loved.
you have been anagapesis-ed. it sounds clean, sterilized.
it’s like you were surgically removed from me,
somehow, slowly & very painfully I must add.
and now there is nothing where everything used to be.